On Wednesday I began spotting…seeing as how pregnant women shouldn’t spot, I became worried. Thursday my husband left for a three day kayak trip. I took it easy, let the baby tear my room apart while I sat/laid in bed.
As Thursday closed, I became more worried, but felt comfort in my Friday afternoon appointment with my M.D…but Thursday night brought no sleep and no comfort for me. I’ll not be graphic (appreciate?) and say, I lost a lot of blood and contracted so painfully from about midnight to 6am.
It was so terrible, I passed out in the bathroom around midnight. At 5:30am I took some ibuprofen, texted Danny – hoping he had cell phone reception along the river – and told him to come home right away.
Shaking, dehydrated, too nauseated to drink water I just moaned for relief until my NSAIDS (Ibu) kicked in. I slept two hours and woke soaked. I called the doctor’s office and told them the graphic details and asked if I should wait to see them at 1pm or go to the ER. I was instructed to go to the ER….too much blood lost. My brother Keegan drove me to the ER, where Danny met me with a wheelchair (I told him to stop being so dramatic, but really I was grateful).
Danny was such a great help. He wanted to help me in any way and for some time on Saturday he rubbed my legs, my butt, my back, my head anything I asked. He couldn’t find the heating pad, so he made me two, a heated rice sock and a Nalgene with hot water in it. I was laying on the floor for some time in the most comfortable position I could find and he placed his laptop on its side with a movie so I wouldn’t dwell on how I was feeling. I have such a great support in him.
It’s been three days of transient labor-like activity/pain. I can honestly say this miscarriage has been more difficult than giving birth – emotionally – the pain is there, but going through this without the sweet union of a new babe to hold makes it seem pointless.
I thought about the Savior and His Atonement. The Savior suffered the deepest and most intimate pains for every single person who ever lived. He did this to free mankind from our suffering, addictions, temptations…He even did this for those who would never accept His message of hope, love and forgiveness.
I wont be able to hold a new infant on Christmas Day 2013, but I have made covenants with God and if I keep those covenants my entire life, I will be reunited with all of my loved ones again.
I’m grateful for the knowledge of this gift.
I’m grateful for my family and I’m grateful for my supportive friends. It helps me be more resilient.