This is me trying to collect my thoughts. I’m currently feeling overwhelmed neurotic, as some pregnant women feel, and a little bit sad.
The constant ups and downs of everyday – feeling good, feeling sick, feeling tired – that have me feeling the little bit sad part.
I feel neurotic because I have a million things on my mind that include: sewing projects, decorating, un-paking all the boxes, organizing, making meals, planning future (way in the future trips), writing letters, writing in my journal, taking photographs, etc…
I’m also feeling nostalgic. I think about family a lot. Family that aren’t here anymore and family I wish I could see more often.
On days I don’t like to get off the couch, I look at photographs. Today, Wiley brought me an album with all his newborn pictures in it…pictures from the delivery, which reminded me that I have a lot to do before the next baby comes.
I have a hard time getting myself to eat regularly – which seems completely ridiculous and totally legitimate all at once to me.
After I order dinner to be delivered to my house (Danny has Scouts tonight and he is the Scout Master…so, you know?), I ate and somehow I felt less hopeless.
After I finished the dishes, it occurred to me that I am sacrificing my life right now – I’m sacrificing the things I want to do – to bring another life into this world.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…(Robert Frost)”
Pregnancy is a choice I made and I ask that you would all bare with me while I live it through it.
This is a temporary neurosis…