I think there are many times in life we might ask ourselves, “what was the point of going through that, just to have it end?”
My time away from the blog, I’ve been more fully embracing the life I have chosen and living my life to the fullest. So full, I am crashing to bed earlier and earlier each night.
and, I’ve also been experiencing more joy.
So my thoughts come from a place of deep reflection brought on by personal trials (that have turn to triumphs?).
As I knelt – or crumpled – next to my bed last night, wondering to God why some things happen – a thing that brings you joy was abruptly taken away – what was the whole purpose of that?
My question did not come from a place of anger, but a sincere desire to know why.
Here is what I felt after reflection:
When we lose something we love, we should never regret how we loved.
When we choose to fill ourselves with Love, it begets more love.
Bitterness and sorrow begets more bitterness and sorrow.
There have been many things I used to regret in my life.
For the things I can’t change, I will no longer feel regret. For the things that I can change, well, I’m taking the time to turn them around. For many things, it’s never too late, to make a change.
Some of those changes have been inspired by reading. Reading of scripture (which I consider history), and reading of non-scripture world history.
The clarity of my goals came while reading about the Siege of (Leningrad) St Petersburg in 1941 – that lasted 872 days – leading to the death of about a million civilians.
During the siege, a Russian composer by the name of Dimitri Shostakovich (what a fun name to say!!) wrote his Symphony No. 7 – not only did they hold a concert in the physically starved and bombed out city – the concert was broadcast on speakers outside the concert hall to allow those who couldn’t enter the packed building to listen and some directed toward occupying soldiers. As bombs fell, it was the banner of “cultural resistance to atrocity.” (Read more here)
While I don’t wish to create enemies at the gate, it is inevitable that others will choose to make me their enemy – for any manner of perceived wrong (hey, I’m not perfect, but I don’t go out of my way to hurt people).
It comes down to this:
I don’t wish to have enemies. I don’t want to create any, for those who choose to make me their enemy, I choose to not to fuel the flames of anger, but will fan the embers of love and beauty.
I’m still trying to figure how to do that.
It starts with not arguing, not gossiping, finding something else to put my mind on, and so on, listening better.
This is my new years resolution. That doesn’t mean that I don’t ever feel the desire to reach into my computer screen and punch someone’s face, because on rare occasion, I do feel that way.
However petty I have been up to this day, I am choosing to learn how to be better today and tomorrow in the face of opposition. This is what I have decided to work on, in my small way, to change the world.