You’re not inadequate, you’re the perfect fit.

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family walk time

I got a phone call from a friend I haven’t spoken to since – 2008? Now that I count it up, almost a decade ago! Wow. Thank goodness for social media to help keep tabs on those friends!!

We talked of many things, but something that stayed on my mind was the feelings we shared in our ability to be good mothers.

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run baby run

After pondering on the matter for some time, the thought came into my mind that my children chose me.

They chose me.

Of all the brilliant, kind, talented mothers in the world, these kids chose me.

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run dance run

I don’t have any evidence to prove to you that this is true, it was just something that came to me and brought me peace.

I want to remember that feeling any time the temptation to feel inadequate creeps into my life.

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our deep thinker

They knew you before they came to this earth and thought, “yeah, you’re going to be the perfect fit!”

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He loves to bring me flowers

Keep trying your best. Keep giving them your time, your love, your hugs and kisses.

Keep praying that they will continue to grow up to become the incredible humans you pray they will be.

Keep taking the time to do the things they want to do – even if you can’t finish all the things you want to do.

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They need you. They want you. They are your greatest treasure.

There are still long days ahead. They will need your guidance, your patience, your understanding and most importantly…

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everyone gets a turn on daddy’s back

They need to know that you love them.

Each child will understand, feel and show love in different ways.

Just like you understand, feel and show love in different ways.

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Take the time to learn how they communicate.

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In time you will see that not only were you not inadequate, you were exactly who they needed you to be.

“Life must be understood backward. But… it must be lived forward.” -Søren Kierkegaard

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hold on as long as you will

In writing this open letter to myself I want other parents to know that you are doing better than you think you are.

XOXO

Me

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It’s True, What People Say About Hindsight

Dad's Retirement and a farewell to The Golden State
Dad’s Retirement and a farewell to The Golden State

In 1995, I was thirteen years old, my dad decided to retire from his first career – taking a major pay cut – to move home.

We left southern California and moved to Oklahoma, where my mother was raised and where my dad’s family had settled. Not the easiest move – one that I felt personally afflicted over – leaving best friends behind and the perfect weather…not to mention the beach.

Oklahoma, although my birth state, was in my opinion never going to eclipse my love for The Golden State.

I made more best friends, eventually acclimated to the schizophrenic Oklahoma weather patterns and spent time with family.

Family gathering at Auntie Tina's house with friends, one of many.
Family gathering at Auntie Tina’s house with friends, one of many.

My dad become a school teacher in his second career, making things financially tight for a family of eight – which was a hard adjustment for all of us, but we managed a comfortable life nonetheless. Looking back, it made me more grateful for the things I did get and allowed us to fill our lives with the most important people.

Dad enrolls in graduate school and becomes a teacher.
Dad enrolls in graduate school and becomes a teacher.

My dad’s parents lived in the house behind our neighbor, my mom’s parents lived an hour and twenty minutes north east, my dad’s sisters lived in town (walking distance really), one of my aunts taught my high school economics class and my cousins were a fixture at every birthday and family dinner. For years, the only brothers my older brother had were his male cousins.

Someone's birthday perhaps? We had a lot of birthdays with all the family near by.
Someone’s birthday perhaps? We had a lot of birthdays with all the family near by.

I can’t say I’ve spent as much time with some of my family since I graduated from high school and moved away – but, I’ve tried to make visiting family a priority in my life since and so have many of my family members and I am grateful for that.

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I am going to be putting on my family stories hat in the coming weeks. I have a mountain of old photos and with the passing of my 25 year old cousin on Monday – I feel like that will be something that my family will appreciate and it’s the least I can do.

Thanksgiving at Nana's house 2001
Thanksgiving at Nana’s house 2001

I still have love for California and make visits, but Oklahoma is my home and the place I leave my heart.