Happy Birthday to My Music Man

I was scarfing down half a large Domino’s BBQ pineapple/chicken pizza this time four years ago. I had just delivered my second child, a boy.

The first time his big brother saw him – was magic. My 2 1/2 year old son lit up like Christmas looking at the new addition. I could live in that moment forever.

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The first born.

My husband and I struggled on a name for months. So, naturally, we asked Facebook friends for recommendations.

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Tyler

We got a long list of really great names, some that I had on my personal list.

and still nothing felt – right.

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Then, my father-in-law wrote that he had a dream and in his dream he was calling a little boy, “Tyler, come here Tyler.” and that he thought that was what we should name him.

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Tyler adores “Braun-T”/Brante

So, we got the  first name from my father-in-law off a poll we conducted on social media.

The middle name was taken from Porter *Rockwell – a close friend and bodyguard to Joseph Smith Jr.

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It was a long pregnancy, lots of heartburn and I was so happy to finally meet that boy.

He looked like a caveman from the instant I took him into my arms (I guess that’s just me saying, “he was super masculine looking.”

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Aside from his sensitive stomach, he was a gentle fellow. Slept like a rock right away. I thought, “if this guy stays this way forever, I have it made.”

When Tyler was four months old I got pregnant with his little sister and that was hard, for both of us. It wouldn’t be long before he had to share his mommy.

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The gal who stole his mama.

from the age of 18 months to about 3 months ago it was a struggle. I’ll be honest, I think for a few years, he resented me.

He was anxious/clingy, whiny and until about 3 months ago – I would tell that boy, “I love you so much” with no reaction from him.

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It was music to my soul the night he returned my sentiments – he squeezed my neck – and said, “I love you so much mommy.”

Tyler loves making music/make noise, he loves his family, he loves to eat beans.

Beans are his absolute favorite food.

Boy, you make me laugh.

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You’re not inadequate, you’re the perfect fit.

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family walk time

I got a phone call from a friend I haven’t spoken to since – 2008? Now that I count it up, almost a decade ago! Wow. Thank goodness for social media to help keep tabs on those friends!!

We talked of many things, but something that stayed on my mind was the feelings we shared in our ability to be good mothers.

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run baby run

After pondering on the matter for some time, the thought came into my mind that my children chose me.

They chose me.

Of all the brilliant, kind, talented mothers in the world, these kids chose me.

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run dance run

I don’t have any evidence to prove to you that this is true, it was just something that came to me and brought me peace.

I want to remember that feeling any time the temptation to feel inadequate creeps into my life.

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our deep thinker

They knew you before they came to this earth and thought, “yeah, you’re going to be the perfect fit!”

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He loves to bring me flowers

Keep trying your best. Keep giving them your time, your love, your hugs and kisses.

Keep praying that they will continue to grow up to become the incredible humans you pray they will be.

Keep taking the time to do the things they want to do – even if you can’t finish all the things you want to do.

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They need you. They want you. They are your greatest treasure.

There are still long days ahead. They will need your guidance, your patience, your understanding and most importantly…

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everyone gets a turn on daddy’s back

They need to know that you love them.

Each child will understand, feel and show love in different ways.

Just like you understand, feel and show love in different ways.

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Take the time to learn how they communicate.

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In time you will see that not only were you not inadequate, you were exactly who they needed you to be.

“Life must be understood backward. But… it must be lived forward.” -Søren Kierkegaard

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hold on as long as you will

In writing this open letter to myself I want other parents to know that you are doing better than you think you are.

XOXO

Me

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